So last Friday I had my first exhibition at the Corner Studio at Barkly St, West Footscray. I was overwhelmed with anxiety. I wasn’t going to go, because I didn’t feel I deserved this. I believed I just got lucky that my artwork was chosen. I didn’t think I could share the same space with other cool artists there. I thought to myself, maybe next time (if) I get to have an exhibition again, when I feel like I am more deserving, then I would go. But at this point of time, I didn’t think I am worthy.
But when I found out that my artwork was going to part of the exhibition, I made a post about it on my social media. I also shared the amazing news with some of my loved ones. And my lovely friend Mandy, who has been my constant since we were in uni years, was so excited for me that she decided to come to this exhibition even though she has a newborn and she lives over an hour away from me. I was mortified. I tried to discourage her, and came up with many excuses why she shouldn’t bother. But she insisted. She said something along the line that there would never be another “first” exhibition. So she had to be there for this special occasion. What she said really strike me. Not only because she was right; that there wouldn’t be another ‘first exhibition’, but the fact that if she thinks it was worth it for her to travel this far on Friday night with a new born, why did I think otherwise? Her love and her support made me feel able. I knew I must go to my own first exhibition. It’s given.
So we went together. We took some photos. And I am ashamed to say this, but I was too shy or to embarrassed to talk to any other artist, or to people in general. Even though she was there with me, and we managed to strike a conversation with someone… but once she left, I just freezed. That feelings that I didn’t belong there was overwhelming. It’s my own demon, I know. Let’s hope there would be more exhibition down the future and that next time, I wouldn’t be too caught up in my own anxiety and low self-esteem and self-hate.
And here’s that super amazing friend I was talking about above. Everyone needs a friend like her in their lives. It made all the difference. 🙂 I only hope I can be one too!